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kawatanSo this past weekend, I was at the International Roguelike Developer Conference, also known as one of the most amazing experiences of my life so far.
Here's some highlights, mostly in chronological order:
For so many years, roguelikes - and gaming in general - was a lonely affair for me. My one sibling did not care for these games (or for talking to me in general); my parents highly disapproved of the video game habit, as previously stated; I went to the kind of school where these things were not part of the conversation or approved of at all.
Even after getting to college and at least finding my geeky tribe, I was the "weird roguelike one", playing DCSS in the back of graduate student classrooms and not sure who would care if I talked about it. I was butterfingered in twitchier games, even "accessible" ones like Valve's offerings, and felt ashamed that both my reflexes and cultural background were lacking.
I don't remember how I stumbled into the roguelike community a few years ago - probably just wanted to differentiate myself instead of the surging wave of Minecraft let's players out there. (I fully admit Minecraft and an extended bout of unemployment is why I started recording Let's Plays, though.) It felt good to have people who knew what I was talking about, but again, I didn't know a lot - and this was a niche of a niche, not something I really could afford to pursue with any seriousness.
I disappeared from 'the scene' when work called, and spent years quietly playing roguelikes alone again while making myself miserable in other ways. I'm not going to go into the details of what went wrong - let's just say I used up a lot of my inventory and managed to come out alive, with just enough resources to stream regularly and attend IRDC on a shoestring.
From the get go, I saw kindness and generosity. (Huge thanks to the folks I mentioned who paid for the rooms I stayed in, and to people who paid for gas, food, and even the occasional bit of alcohol.) I was regaining resources, restocking my inventory - both physical and emotional. I was seeing a world where my mindset had value, and people appreciated my knowledge of these games. And yes, I was pushing my limits tactically - driving long distances alone, being social with near-strangers, attempting radical honesty about my life both in and out of roguelikes. But I was rewarded for my bravery and given the space to learn a lot about myself, and for that I am immensely grateful.
Let's do this again next year, in Atlanta or elsewhere in North America. Let's always be sure to have a space to talk roguelike and be understood. Let's zap the Wand of Empowerment on each other and be strengthened ourselves.
Thank you all.
<3 Kawa
Here's some highlights, mostly in chronological order:
- literally sitting down, having Squirrel Eiserloh sit behind me, introduce himself, then say "I really loved Exploring the ASCII Dungeon".
- Sharing a fancy suite with Jim Shepard, Brian Bucklew, and Jason Grimblat; having Brian and Jason let me support my friendly local game store after an accident happened then pay me back twice over in actual cash and Sproggiwood keys; playing Soul Calibur Saturday night and learning to get over my fighting game phobia and understand the interesting tactics of positional button mashing; Sunday morning fancy coffee; listening to Brian talk happily about his kids playing games and interacting with them (fascinating to me, as my parents are so game-averse I didn't even tell them I was in Atlanta despite being a full grown adult who can make her own decisions)
- talking to the handful of locals who had always played Nethack but never gotten involved in the larger community - sharing knowledge like "who is that Darren Grey guy we keep obsessing over?" and "what does 7DRL stand for anyway?"
- the counterpoint to this: cracking roguelike jokes and being perfectly understood; recommending games back and forth; being allowed to literally crack my knuckles and get down when asked "so why do you like Dungeon Crawl Stone Soup so much, anyway?"
- Shaking hands with John Harris, Jeff Lait, and Eben Howard, listening to the people who made Roguelike Radio possible and actually informative; finding out roguelike experiences actually got Eben a job in games and his experiences with 7DRLs
- Sharing a little room with Sheridan Rathbun and Adam Boyd; talking about crazy procedural multiplayer experiences in Delver and Minecraft, then listening to old episodes of Roguelike Radio; watching Adam play Sproggiwood on his phone while eating hash browns at Waffle House
- Monday morning, writing the first draft of this in the lobby of the hotel, and having Jeff Lait sit down next to me and talk about the American obsession with the Berlin Interpretation
- Beneath Apple Manor - the "run" mechanic alone, oh my goodness
- Shiren the Wanderer
- Rogue Space Marine
- DUMUZID (aka what I called "Katamari Damacy, the roguelike")
- Golden Krone Hotel
- Barony multiplayer - I think this would be exactly what I want from a small team Minecraft experience without the weird pressures Minecraft community experiences can be
- replay POWDER - someone should buy me a DS or 3DS compatible flash card
For so many years, roguelikes - and gaming in general - was a lonely affair for me. My one sibling did not care for these games (or for talking to me in general); my parents highly disapproved of the video game habit, as previously stated; I went to the kind of school where these things were not part of the conversation or approved of at all.
Even after getting to college and at least finding my geeky tribe, I was the "weird roguelike one", playing DCSS in the back of graduate student classrooms and not sure who would care if I talked about it. I was butterfingered in twitchier games, even "accessible" ones like Valve's offerings, and felt ashamed that both my reflexes and cultural background were lacking.
I don't remember how I stumbled into the roguelike community a few years ago - probably just wanted to differentiate myself instead of the surging wave of Minecraft let's players out there. (I fully admit Minecraft and an extended bout of unemployment is why I started recording Let's Plays, though.) It felt good to have people who knew what I was talking about, but again, I didn't know a lot - and this was a niche of a niche, not something I really could afford to pursue with any seriousness.
I disappeared from 'the scene' when work called, and spent years quietly playing roguelikes alone again while making myself miserable in other ways. I'm not going to go into the details of what went wrong - let's just say I used up a lot of my inventory and managed to come out alive, with just enough resources to stream regularly and attend IRDC on a shoestring.
From the get go, I saw kindness and generosity. (Huge thanks to the folks I mentioned who paid for the rooms I stayed in, and to people who paid for gas, food, and even the occasional bit of alcohol.) I was regaining resources, restocking my inventory - both physical and emotional. I was seeing a world where my mindset had value, and people appreciated my knowledge of these games. And yes, I was pushing my limits tactically - driving long distances alone, being social with near-strangers, attempting radical honesty about my life both in and out of roguelikes. But I was rewarded for my bravery and given the space to learn a lot about myself, and for that I am immensely grateful.
Let's do this again next year, in Atlanta or elsewhere in North America. Let's always be sure to have a space to talk roguelike and be understood. Let's zap the Wand of Empowerment on each other and be strengthened ourselves.
Thank you all.
<3 Kawa
Squirrel Eiserloh
Date: 2015-06-05 21:41 (UTC)Thanks for the great write-up, I wish I'd gone. I used to love eating at waffle house when I lived in Atlanta. Waffles smothered in corn syrup maple syrup substitute, hash browns smothered, the wonderful coffee and so on. Used to go every Wednesday for lunch with a friend. Waffle house Wednesdays.
So envious!
Re: Squirrel Eiserloh
Date: 2015-06-07 01:02 (UTC)Thanks for your kind words - it was definitely a big fat labor of love. In fact, years later we (members of the original team) still get together for dinner every year at GDC.
-sq